#I'm so fucking sick of people treating other people like SHIT just because they aren't acceptably human enough for them

[underagoldenmoon]

There are "debates" (which shouldn't even be debates) on whether or not a cishet aro man counts as queer.

The answer is, indisputably, yes.

Like. Just look at this picture of Moon! He's queer! Because he's arospec! Which is queer!

[a-hazbin-reader]

A reader who loves singing? Does Alator let her sing his radio show?

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Alastor being petty, Alastor eating people, Vox being bullied

Description: ☝️⬆️

Alastor loves having an wife who can sing, any talent of yours he celebrates but singing especially is his favorite

Alastor is the type of husband to brag to a room of strangers about how good his wife sings

Even the other overlords are SICK of hearing about you and your beautiful, heavenly, mesmerizing voice

Except maybe Zestial and Rosie, the two of them actually genuinely interested in hearing you sing

Alastor is absolutely embarrassing to take anywhere that there is a live band/music

Mocks any other singer on stage just to get a reaction out of people so he can get you up there instead

He loves your voice best 👌

"They're a fine singer, sure, I'm only saying that I've heard better~"

Not him throwing you on stage

Is your biggest fan, making sure everyone claps and cheers for you because he will eat them if they don't

You're going to be blushing the entire time on stage because he's going to be giving you the most sinful look while you sing

Even if he doesn't necessarily like the song you're singing, Alastor is content to just admire your vocal talent

He won't let anybody try to make deals or contracts with you over your voice, usually just giving people a terrifying grin as he pulls you close

Vox has asked you a few times to perform for his show, but Alastor is proud to say that his wife has better taste than that

He also exaggerates the story of how you turned him down, claiming you kicked Vox in the groin and shattered his screen

"Alastor! That's not how that happened-"

"No? Funny, that's how I remember it~"

And he usually does something funny to get back at Vox for even trying

In Alastor's opinion, there are only two ways to enjoy your voice

Either in person or on his radio show

Putting you on TV would only dull your natural sparkle and talent, take away how special it is to really listen to you

That's his opinion anyway

Will ask you to sing at the hotel instead, but really what he's asking is if you'll sing for him

Because if you perform at the hotel then he's not missing a single moment of it, each performance from you is a gift

Will have brief intermissions in his broadcast so that you can sing to all his listeners

Treats you as the Lilith figure for his show, believing that your singing does have some power to it but also just so he can rub his woman in Lucifer's face

"Seems as if her majesty wasn't the only one with a pretty voice~ Aren't we all so lucky to have Y/N~?"

Alastor, maybe don't piss off Lucifer by shit talking the mother of his child?

He'll play piano as long as you promise to sing, the two of you would have the BEST DUETS

If you sing him a love song, then he can't resist singing along with you and pulling you in for a dance

"You should serenade me more often, my dear~ I think I deserve such a treat from you every now and then~"

"You ate like six people today, I think you should think again."

Little nose boop for your husband

Not him biting your finger playfully as you go to pull it away

"You two are so fucking sweet it's making me sick, I'm outta here."

Sorry Angel

Sometimes he hums along with you if you're singing while you're working, content to harmonize with you

Lowkey gets jealous when other people sing with you but gets irritated if someone who can't sing tries to sing with you

He has gone so far as to threaten them for singing badly and ruining your song

"If you're going to open your mouth, it would do you well to mind the shit that comes out of it."

"Alastor!!"

If you ask him for it, Alastor will pull all the strings he can to get you a place just for you to sing

It'll be his shrine to your voice

No Mimzy, you can't borrow Y/N for your own business

Only people with refined tastes such as his own will be allowed in, Alastor makes sure it's the proper clientele

Oh and Husk will be the bartender

"You MOTHERFUCKER!"

Alastor likes taking your voice to it's limits, likes hearing all the different sounds you can make

And that includes in bed

Even if you sing a wrong note or mess up, he'll call it an artistic choice and praise you

He still cuts in on just about every song you sing because he can't help himself, music and Y/N? It's Alastor bait

Plus, the two of you get to show off together, compliment each other, and make everyone green with envy

Y'all are just too fucking cute

It's a dream come true for Alastor to have a wife who can sing

Oops! This became another Wife!Reader one...sorry... 🫡

[thousand-winters]

Something I love about TOH is how it lets adults be wrong and make mistakes and be whole messes that do not have their shit together because... yeah, that's just life. Adults aren't so put together as one believes when they're a child, and of course they can act rashly and fuck up because of their emotions and generally experience the entire spectrum of human emotion.

It would be lovely if the fandom would be less racist about it tho.

It keeps driving me mad to think about because with characters of color, one mistake is taken and generalized as their entire behavior despite having proof that it was a one time thing, a extreme born out of emotion or after many things have happened, while for white characters it's well understood it was a one time instance.

Nobody took Eda's "I'm going to break every bone of your body" toward King (who, mind you, is like 8yo and the kid she raised since he was a baby) seriously, nor said "Eda totally threatens King with bodily harm every time she's angry". It wasn't a serious threat, King wasn't bothered by her because he knew that, and the world kept spinning, nobody made a bigger deal of that than it had to be, despite the fact that it's objectively a horrible thing to say to your kid.

Nobody said either "every time Eda is feeling unneeded, she avoids talking to her kids and ignores them for days and then attempts murder-suicide on the name of good", although the avoidance aspect of it at least IS more in tune with her general lack of coping mechanisms.

Now, Camila making Luz go to camp? Suddenly she was the devil and evil, and Eda should take full custody of Luz, despite the fact Camila was shown as gentle and loving since moment one, and your kid endangering other kids by bringing live snakes and fireworks to school is objectively something alarming that can't be swept under the rug. There was no point at which Camila was depicted as anything but loving and concerned, even during Grom, Luz's fear was about hurting Camila rather than Camila hurting her and yet people insisted she was abusive until Thanks to Them.

Even after Yesterday's Lie. I mean, Luz is 14. I don't know about you, but if I had a kid known for being a bit careless and reckless and act first before thinking, I would be worried sick knowing she's in a land where half the things alive try to eat you and it's also ruled by a genocidal emperor. Hell, even if my kid wasn't reckless, I would be clawing at the walls about it. Camila wasn't being evil for wanting Luz to stay by her side, especially since they only had each other.

Then, of course, there's Darius.

I'm so sick of people being condescending to people who like Dadrius, even in art posts, all like "guys, but don't forget Darius was shitty to Hunter for years", because it's exactly what I'm talking about of taking one event and extrapolating it toward his entire behavior despite the fact the information we have been provided indicates that was a one time thing. Not only we have the Palisman Logs that confirm Darius usually didn't pay attention to Hunter, which, mind you, isn't a crime because he had no responsibility over Hunter and everyone thought Hunter was being treated well by Belos, but we also have the hint of Darius reacting so viciously because of Hunter sewing the Golden Guard's sigil on his cloak and reminding him of his mentor, which is not something that happened every thursday.

I know everyone understands actions born out of emotion in adults, no matter how wrong they are, because of Eda and even some of the other adults who objectively speaking did way worse in the matter of mistakes toward their children, like Gwen or Alador. Yet, people keep refusing to believe that Darius only did that once but nobody ever says "yes, here are the examples and clues that he was this way for years" (because they do not exist) and just keep repeating that he did or that he has the vibes of someone who did (bestie, that's just racism).

It's so strange because Hunter is not stupid. He knew to be on guard of Kikimora and Kikimora was always shitty to him. He can take a clue, he's not a baby. He refused to accept the help of the Owl Fam and the Hexsquad for a good while because they were "the enemy" and in his head he had the idea that he shouldn't trust them even if he wanted to. Hunter's behavior is affected deeply by Belos' abuse, but he wasn't reacting to everyone in the way he did to Belos, excusing their behavior and generally letting them all walk all over him.

If Darius really had picked on him for years, he wouldn't have been so quick to trust him after Any Sport in a Storm, and we got a bunch of little mentions and hints that point to how their bond started to grow behind curtains, which would be really weird if Darius had always been an overly hostile presence in Hunter's life before. Can you imagine him being all chill with Kikimora if she had hypothetically went "oh, well, I guess I was wrong for trying to murder you"? Hell no.

Even Perry and the Parks didn't got spared from this.

Of course their reactions to their kids getting expelled could have been more graceful, but they were evidently not thinking super clearly at the moment and every other moment we've seen them with their kids, they have been loving and supportive. Hell, even in that same episode we saw how the Parks were, if anything, more concerned about Willow's education to the point they were willing to change their whole life to be able to stay to homeschool her.

Adults make mistakes. People make mistakes.

Stop acting like people of color can't make mistakes without being the epitome of evil.

[ilikekidsshows]

I hate that we're at a point where I just.. I just gave up on trying to discuss things with Marinette fans. I'm so over their delusions and hypocritical claims about the show and Marinette.

The way they declare Marinette's massive support system as worthless always comes down to the same argument: the characters do not 1000% dedicate their whole existences to Marinette's care so they don't count.

Alix apparently doesn't count as support system because she isn't executing her job of keeping the flow of time right as "bending time and space so Marinette doesn't have to face difficult situations" (even though she could easily solve them for herself if she would stop lying to everyone and making shit about herself that isn't). Marinette fans feel so entitled to Marinette being all that matters that Alix is getting shit on for not breaking the time lines for Marinette's comfort. How is that a rational explanation for why Marinette isn't using her army of a support system?

Fucking LUKA isn't really a support system apparently because he isn't 24/7 doing everything for Marinette to solve HER messes and is now only taking care of her only 90% of his total screen time instead of 100%. Also, Luka is now getting accused of having ditched Marinette in season 5, which??? What the fuck kind of deflection is that? Luka left everything behind because Monarque found out that he knows the identities of Ladybug and Chat Noir. How is that ditching? It's like when Marinette fans claim that Marinette was abandoned by FU when he literally had to sacrifice his memories because she made a mistake that led Hawkmoth to him.

Alya doesn't count as support system apparently because she dared to not cuddle Marinette in Revelator and wanted her memories wiped because Marinette always let's everyone find out about everything in the worst possible ways and here it resulted in Alya absolutely NOT having it with Marinette but giving her a second chance to come clean. Apparently, people don't count as support anymore if they dare to not react like your perfect care takers that always put your feefees first whenever your inactions forced them to find things about in the worst ways. Funny how that standard never applies to Marinette whenever she takes everything out on other people.

Even Kagami gets shit on and said to not count as support system for Marinette pretty much simply because she isn't solving Marinette's problems for her without Marinette ever once asking for any help. That and because she dared to put ADRIEN first when he was breaking down after Ladybug just told him that he's now an orphan, but Marinette kept on as good as begging for Adrien to take care of HER in that moment so Kagami send her ass out.

Marinette stans are fucking nutjobs. I don't have it in me anymore to even try and discuss things with them anymore. There is just no use. It's been 4 years now since all this escalated with season 4 and I'm just sick and tired of Marinette stans' nonsense where they scream and cry about Marinette not being given more sympathy and excuses by the fandom, but at the same time treat everything else in the show as nothing but Marinette's human shaped resources she's owed and is being "failed" by because they aren't doing EVERYTHING for her, including breaking time and space apparently.

All I can hope is that one day Marinette stans will rewatch the show and finally see that morality doesn't start and end at Marinette's benefit and comfort. And that canon is actual CANON, no matter if they don't like it.

---

Yeah, like, Maripologists have been whining about Cat Noir letting himself get hit to protect Ladybug because “it upsets Marinette!” and when Marinette tells him to get hit she's just a master planner. Maripologists say absolutely wild things, is what I'm saying. I still remember when Maripologists who literally dogpiled and harassed me for saying Marinette has one of the biggest support networks in fiction defended themselves by claiming I “was out of line” for that statement. Like, they think pointing out Marinette has support is salt and hate, that's the level of disconnect and inability to have a nuanced discussion about anything we're dealing with. The “Marinette is a lonely wretch who never gets the help she obviously needs it's so sad and all the other characters' fault for ignoring how upset Marinette obviously is” narrative has been going on for years, since even before the retool started giving her even more supporters that the Maripologists then have to pretend don't count.

And the double standard is so obvious. Ladybug ignoring every attempt Cat Noir makes at telling her something's wrong in season 4 is his fault for “not telling her something's wrong”, but every other character is expected to be a mind reader and always know when poor widdle Marinette is upsette and needs to be taken care of. Cat Noir made far more attempts at reaching out when he needs help than Marinette's ever done and he gets scraps in terms of someone making him feel better for a bit and that's his own fault apparently, while with Marinette we’re at the level where she never tells anyone anything and then breaks down while the Maripologists blame everyone but the person with all the power and knowledge in the situation. Sublime’s introduction episode ended with her promising to help make Marinette comfortable with her being friends with her boyfriend. This is a standard interaction for Marinette, she is not hurting for people willing to help her constantly, but nothing will ever be enough for Maripologists.

Sometimes, though, I just don't think she's the one the characters should worry about so much. Frankly, I think her demanding that her emotional needs have to get taken care of while she's upsette about gaslighting her own boyfriend is ghoulish. Kagami and Alya were right to throw that in her face. How about you just don't gaslight your boyfriend? In real life, people will look at someone going: “I’m the one upset here” at a problem they willingly and knowingly caused and think they're a selfish jerk at best.

Oh, I never attempt reasonable discussions with Maripologists, because my first few encounters with them showed me that they will attempt to alter reality itself to turn Marinette into the victim of every situation and every character no matter what. And even those interactions were started by the Maripologists themselves being offended I’d say things like: “Marinette is emotionally fragile” and “Marinette has a big support system of people willing to emotionally support her that she is failing to utilize”, both of which are things we can objectively prove by watching the show.

I’m not going to say I’m a former Marinette stan, I always preferred Adrien to her, but I used to like her character and enjoy her in the protagonist role. I thought she was kinda wimpy with how often she'd complain about small problems or complete nonissues but I figured she's a kid protagonist, it's realistic and she'll probably grow out of it, only for her character to stagnate. And through this entire process, Maripologists have always been insisting that Marinette is simultaneously the most resilient person ever who never complains but also the most obviously pathetic wretch in existence that everyone should see is in constant need of emotional uplifting and help and the fact that they aren't doing everything in their power to help her and get rid of anything bothering her even slightly makes them negligent! If something makes Marinette upsette, it means her support network is too small and neglecting her and not doing their jobs.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Heaven is not fit to house a love (like you and I) | Part 5

Word Count: 6k

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Summary: When you first met your boyfriend, it was love at first sight. No, more than that. It was love before you even met. It felt like you had known each other in another life and were meant to find each other again. 

But that's not actually true, is it? You and Beomgyu don't actually know each other from another life, and the dreams you've been having aren't memories of your past life either. That's ridiculous. 

But then why does Beomgyu get so defensive about them? And why does each dream feel more real than the one before? 

A/N: this is the sequel to my series YAMQN but I'm trying to write it in a way that it would be comprehensible to people who have never read YAMQN. The parts in italic are the dreams. 

Warnings: fem!reader, sub!gyu, dom!reader, choking, cunnilingus, fingering, riding, mentions of previous noncon

“Oh my god.” Are the words that stir you awake in the morning. 

Beomgyu returns to the apartment to find you in the same position you had fallen in last night, and he freaks out. 

“Fuck, did you stay there all night?” He asks, and tries to scoop you up off the floor but you push him away. 

“Don't touch me. Isn't that what you wanted?” The raspiness of your voice from sleep adds to the harshness of your words, and Beomgyu frowns. “It's not what I wanted. It's what you wanted.”

“Look at me! What part of this exactly did I want?” You indicate towards your disheveled and miserable state angrily, his reply pissing you off. Was it disingenuous to be mad at him for his ridiculous statement despite you making the very same equally absurd one before him? Maybe, but you’re too bitter and upset that he left you last night to care. “I told you I'm trying to fix it.” 

But Beomgyu is not one to let your hypocrisy go unnoticed. “Wow, that makes me feel so much better. I suddenly don’t care that my girlfriend thinks I’m a disgusting piece of shit.” 

You have no comeback to that because you know there is nothing you can say that would justify your recent behavior, even if unintended, towards him, so you run away, knowing he would chase after you. 

“Whatever.” You push yourself off the ground with great difficulty. It turns out that sleeping on the hard floor curled up in a ball and crying your heart out takes a toll on your body, and your screaming bones and muscles make sure you know that. 

“What, are you giving me the silent treatment now?” He scoffs and you stay silent, proving his point as you make your way to your bathroom. 

Are you using anger to push down the guilt you feel at what you've put him through? Yes, but he shouldn't have left you to your thoughts last night because despite his reassurance that he wouldn't leave, you still couldn't help but spend the long tortuous hours until you fell asleep imagining that his small break away from you would allow him to reconsider everything and lead him to dump the crazy, toxic girlfriend he has that is treating him like a criminal over something he never did. What if he decided it was all too much after all and left you to find someone else who he wouldn't fight so much with–whose friends didn't hate–who wasn't insistent on being friends with a guy he clearly feels insecure about? 

“Come on, just fucking talk to me.” 

Now he wants to talk when he made you go through needless hours of torture in the dead of the night by yourself? 

“I don't have time. I have to get to work.” You tell him, voice almost inaudible from all the shouting and crying you did last night. Honestly you don't know how you're even going to speak to customers like this but you're intent on paying Beomgyu back for what he did to you. 

“Are you fucking serious?” He asks, but you don't reply, just turning on the shower and stepping inside. 

You can see Beomgyu is still outside through the fogged up glass pacing up and down the small bathroom and it brings your heart a sick sense of satisfaction that he's waiting for you–that he's atoning in some way for what he did. 

You take your time, not just because the hot water feels heavenly against your aching limbs, but also so you’d make Beomgyu wait. You can’t make him wait hours like he did to you but this small punishment does slightly placate your resentful heart. 

When you step out of the shower, he's immediately back into it, trying to convince you to stop and talk to him but you ignore him, keeping your mouth shut all through getting ready while he talks your head off. 

“This is ridiculous. Why am I the one begging you to talk to me?” He finally asks and you hold back your flinch as you put the finishing touches on your makeup. You have to speak up now. You can’t rebuff him for too long or he might leave again. You cringe inwardly at all these manipulative thoughts filling your mind and prompting you to act in this underhanded way that you never thought you’d behave like before, but you can’t help yourself, finding yourself falling into this toxic way of thinking as if it was something that had always been embedded in a rotten part of your brain you didn’t know existed until it had been unearthed by the stress and pain of everything that has been happening lately. 

“I tried to talk last night but you fucking abandoned me.” You finally shout, shifting the blame onto him again. 

“I didn't abandon you.” He defends himself heatedly. “I needed time to wrap my head around what you're fucking accusing me of!”

“I wasn't accusing you of anything! I know it's just a dream.” You scream as if you could drown out the voice in your head trying to convince you that it was more than that. 

“If you know that then why are you treating me like it's true?” It was his turn to throw out accusations, and this one hit a nerve. 

“Because I can't fucking help it, okay!” Your lips tremble as you tear up. You really don’t know why these absurd dreams and images are affecting you to this extent. “I can't fucking control what my mind choses to spring on me and I can't control what that makes me feel.” 

“Then what the fuck do you expect me to do about it?” He asks, frustrated. You completely understand his reaction. You would be furious and heartbroken if you were in his shoes. He might even be handling it much better than you would have. 

“I don't know, okay? But you leaving me in the middle of the night to deal with this shit on my own is not helping.” You break down, voice turning pathetic and whiny as you cry. Unlike your previous actions and words, this wasn’t intended to sway him into giving into you. You truly don’t know what to do. You don’t want to be having these awful thoughts but you can’t stop them. Still your tears get to him anyway.

“I'm sorry.” He relents right away, always weak when it comes to seeing you cry. “I just needed some time to process it all.”

You scoff through your tears, softer too. “Who are you and what have you done to the Beomgyu I know?” 

He cracks a half-hearted smile. “I guess even he has a breaking point.” 

That is exactly what you’re so scared of–of him reaching that breaking point and leaving you. You give him an equally unenthusiastic smile. “Well, where do we go from here?” 

“Wherever. Doesn't matter as long as we're together.” He says as if he could hear your fearful thoughts and you nod eagerly before he can change his mind. “Together, always.” 

__________________________________

Taehyun knows better than to approach you but he can’t stop himself, not when you look like shit and sound like it too. Due to your rough state, your manager has relegated you to working in the back where you're out of the customers' sight, and that's where Taehyun corners you.

“What happened to you? And don't give me that bullshit you gave the manager about laryngitis.” 

“I don't owe you an explanation.” You sneer, which is useless since he can't see it when your back is towards him. You doubt it would have dissuaded him anyway given his next question. He is like a dog with a bone. He won’t leave well alone. 

“Did he hurt you?”

You whip around to face him, the sneer now turned to a full on scowl. “He didn't. He would never hurt me.”

“You sound defensive.” You almost want to smack the know-it-all look off his face. “God, Taehyun, sometimes it feels like you wish he was abusing me so you have the chance to swoop in and act like the hero.” 

That gets him to frown a little. “I don't need to wish for it when I know he is.”

“He isn't. He would never hurt me. I am the one hurting him. I am the one…” You stop yourself as you feel the tears building up again. You shouldn’t say more anyway. He would just use it against you and Beomgyu. “Whatever. You wouldn’t get it.” 

But Taehyun doesn’t give up that easily. “Maybe I already know.”

You roll your eyes. “Sure you do. 

“He forced himself on you, didn't he?” He says lowly and you’re glad you weren’t holding anything fragile in your hand because suddenly all the strength goes out of your body as an icy grip wraps around your heart.

“W-What?” You stutter, staring at him with a deer-in-headlight look that speaks volumes. 

“I knew it.” His jaw clenches and his hands ball into fists by his sides. “I am going to smash his face in.”

“No. No!” You cry, shaking your head wildly. “He didn't do that, I swear. It's all in my head.”

Taehyun looks at you like you're lost your mind, so you quickly clarify before he misunderstands even further. “It's the dreams. I dreamt he… did that, but he didn't! Not in real life. And when I told him about what he did in those terrible dreams, he was so upset and hurt that I would dream up something so vile about him that he left for the night and I just didn’t handle that too well. That’s all. He didn’t lay a finger on me. He didn’t.”

You were doing your best to clear your boyfriend's name. It was the least you could do now that your stupid dreams have leaked out into the real world to threaten your relationship with Beomgyu and to infect even Taehyun. Yes, you’re responsible for leading Taehyun to come to these revolting conclusions, but even you could never in a million years have been prepared for what he says next. 

“You had a dream about that too?” He asks and you look at him in utter confusion and apprehension, dread building up in your stomach until you feel you won’t be able to contain it anymore. “Too? You had the same dream?”

He nods slowly, his mind visibly working to try to make sense of what he’s saying. “That's why I was worried about that. The dream felt so real, just like the ones you told me about before, the prince dreams. Prince Beomgyu raped you in my dream.”

The world spins nauseatingly around you. How is this possible? How could he have had the same dream you did? You insanity can’t have rubbed off on him to this extent.

“That's impossible. It must be a coincidence.” You shake your head violently, trying to dispel this insanity before it gets forever entrenched into your mind. “Yes, it's a coincidence because I put the image of prince Beomgyu in your head and you hate him so of course you'd dream of something so terrible about him.” You attempt to convince yourself as much as him. 

“Then why did you also have that same dream?” He asks and you shake your head more, making the nausea worse. “Do you also hate him?”

“It's a coincidence.” You repeat weakly but Taehyun appears to believe your weak excuse even less than you do. “Is it?”

You look up at him, and try to conjure up some conviction to defend your love, the love you find yourself hurting once again even in his absence. What the hell is wrong with you? Have you gone insane? You need to get a grip. “Don't tell me you believe the prince dreams are real. I didn't take you for the type to be so superstitious.”

Taehyuns's upper lip curls in disdain at the clear mockery in your voice.“I don't believe they are real but I believe in the psychology behind them. If you truly believe that your boyfriend would never hurt you then why are you having these awful dreams about him? If you truly believe he would never hurt you then why are they affecting you so much?”

“I can't control it.” You cry out, at your wit's end. How do they expect you to answer these questions for them when you can't even answer them for yourself? “It's not my fault.”

Taehyun's sharp face softens slightly. It appears he too is affected by your distress, though he's less lenient on you than Beomgyu. “It's not your fault, it's his. He makes you feel unsafe, that's why you’re having those thoughts.”

You shake your head, denying his accusation  weakly. You're so tired. You don't want to talk about this anymore. You just want it all to go away. “Beomgyu wouldn't do that.”

“Do you truly believe that or are you just saying that because you want to believe it?”

“I–I…” You should believe it. You want to believe it, but something deep inside you is preventing you from doing that and if you could, you swear you'd tear yourself apart to get to it and crush it with your bare hands so you can return to the blissful love you once shared with Beomgyu and never have to think about it again. 

Your gorey fantasy is interrupted by the warm feel of a hand cupping your cheek, and your look up to see that Taehyun had snuck up on you and is now standing right in front of you. 

“Don't hide from it. There is something in there that your mind is trying so hard to tell you but you won't let it because it scares you.” He whispers, his thumb softly caressing your cheek, giving the opportunity for that strange feeling of yearning and affection you hold for him to reignite. How are these men able to so easily look right through you and read you like an open book? “I get it. It's hard to think such things of the person you fell in love with. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like you're doing something wrong, but you’re not. You're just protecting yourself.” 

“He's not–he would never…” You stumble, your thoughts a bloody and mangled mess you can't untangle, but he shushes you with a finger to your lips. 

“Listen to that voice deep in the back of your mind telling you the truth. I know you hear it.” He bends down, pressing his forehead against yours, his lips centimeters away from your own. 

This is dangerous. This is wrong. 

“Taehyun?” You ask, noticing the way his gaze is transfixed on your lips. You see it coming a long time before it happens, and you do nothing to stop it. You do nothing to stop him from pressing his lips against yours. 

In fact, you don't just do nothing, you actively respond to his kiss, pushing your lips against his own, seeking out the alternative he was so clearly offering you. 

He's right. There is something there. You can't even deny it and that scares you. There is something between you as inexplicable as those wretched dreams, and they're all threatening to tear you apart from Beomgyu. 

But you're just as helpless against Taehyun as you are against the dreams, your treacherous body responding to his kisses despite your best efforts--your lips tingling against his slightly chapped ones, your heart clenching around every little hum and moan he breathes into your mouth.  

When he finally pulls back, you're both in a daze.  

"Angel.” He murmurs softly and that triggers something in you–and like muscle memory, you suddenly jump back, freaking out and in turn freaking him out. You seem to have that effect on the men in your life.

No. No. There are no men in your life, only one man. Beomgyu.

“What?” He asks, trying to reach out to you but you step further away, and you can't miss the flicker of hurt flashing across his eyes. 

“Why did you call me that?” You ask and his eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I don't know. It felt right. Do you not like it?”

No, you most certainly don't like it. You realize it's a very common pet name but this was all just too many coincidences for your liking, and you can't stand it anymore. None of this makes sense and it's making your head hurt. 

"I have to go." You tell him and his face falls. “What? You're just leaving like that?”

Whatever ghost of hurt was there on his face is replaced by stark and jagged betrayal. 

“Yes. This was wrong. You shouldn’t have kissed me. You fucking know I have a boyfriend.” Your voice rises, more at yourself than him. You've really fucked up now. “You know we're having trouble and you're fucking using that to get with me. You're a scumbag, Taehyun.” 

And you’re a stupid whore. This is exactly why Beomgyu wanted you to stay away from Taehyun but you were arrogant and thought you knew better than him and now look where that led you. 

“If you hated it so much then why did you kiss me back? Don't fucking pretend there is nothing between us. I know you felt it too.” Taehyun will not take the blame lying down but it doesn't matter. He's not the one you have to explain yourself to.

“What I felt was shame and guilt for cheating on my boyfriend. I feel nothing for you.” You lie through your teeth. You don't know if Taehyun believes you or not but you know you're hurting him either way and he deserves it. He shouldn't have come onto you during your weak moment. “Go find another girl to fix your intimacy issues.”

You take off your apron and make your way out of the coffee house, ignoring the way your manager is yelling at you to get back or you'll be fired.

“I quit.” You shout back at him. You don't care. Let him fire you. It's not like you can go back and work with Taehyun after this anyway. One of you has to leave and you’re making it easier for the both of you. 

You have to get back to Beomgyu. You have to atone for all you've done. 

____________________

Beomgyu knows that something is off with you immediately. You look worse than you did when you left in the morning and he's asking about it as soon as you come through the door. You know it's useless to lie to him so you just confess, hoping that the faster you come clean, the faster you can move on. 

“You were right about Taehyun.” You say and he immediately becomes angry. “What did he do?”

“I quit my job. I won't see him anymore.” You quickly supply, hoping that would at least placate him a little bit. “You don't have to worry about him anymore.”

But Beomgyu will not fall for such easy tricks. 

“What did he do?” Beomgyu asks gravely and it scares you. Not for yourself but for Taehyun. Yes, Beomgyu would never hurt you but would he hurt Taehyun?

“Beomgyu, you’re scaring me.” You tell him, once again hoping he'd soften just a little bit but it's to no avail. 

“You're only making me angrier.” He tells you and you can clearly tell, so you make a last ditch effort to protect Taehyun. “I'll tell you if you promise not to hurt him.” 

“He touched you.” He states and you shake your head, wide-eyed. Are you really that easy to read? “It was just one kiss.”

“I’m going to fucking gut him.” He rages, storming off towards the door, but you throw yourself in front of him, begging and pleading with him to calm down. “No, no, please, baby. It's over. I will never see him again. It will only be me and you. I swear.”

“That's not enough. He has to pay.” He growls, his fury rolling off him in waves and scorching your skin.

“If you hurt him, they'll lock you up. They'll take you away from me.” You try another angle, anything to get him to back down. 

“When I'm done with him, there won't be a piece of him left to find.” His words almost make your heart stop, and the look on his face makes you think he might actually be capable of doing that, so you try even harder to protect Taehyun. 

Despite the hostility you treated Taehyun with, you do not wish Beomgyu to hurt him. You care for him beyond what makes sense and you won't be able to live with yourself if Beomgyu lays a hand on him. 

“Please, Beomgyu, I'll do anything you want.” You desperately plead, tugging on his shirt like a little child begging their parent not to punish them. “I will never see him again. It will just be you and me, just like you wanted.”

You recognize how insane you sound. If you had seen another woman behaving the way you are right now and saying the same things to her boyfriend as she tries to justify her cheating, tries to prevent her boyfriend from retaliating, tries to convince him he has nothing to worry about by promising to completely and fully devote herself to him… you would shake your head in pity for the poor girl stuck in this tumultuous and frankly scary situation. No, the gravity of what is happening doesn’t escape your notice but you find yourself falling into it no less severely. You just want this nightmare to be over. You want to protect Taehyun and give into Beomgyu and just do whatever the hell he wants so it would stop hurting. 

And you find what you desire when the vengeful look in Beomgyu eyes falters a little bit, and you know you’ve got him. He’s got you. “You'll listen to me when I tell you to stay away from these types of men?”

“Yes.” Your answer is ready on your tongue. You are so tired. “You were right. I shouldn't have doubted you.”

The tension in his shoulders eases a little bit. “You'll forget about those disgusting dreams?”

“I will. I just need you to help me.” You pull harder on his shirt and he takes your hands in his and kisses them. His touch is warm, doesn’t burn as hotly from anger as it did a moment ago. “Of course, I will, baby. I will do anything for you.”

You nod. “I know.” 

He puts your hands on his shoulders and wraps his own hands around your waist, engulfing you, his touch firm but gentle, slightly hesitant as he watches your reaction to his words closely. “You won't hide away from me anymore?”

“No. I'm all yours.” Once again your answer comes readily despite your trepidation. And to prove yourself, you use your hold on him to pull him into a kiss which he happily reciprocates. You can taste the sigh of relief on his lips, feel the rage slowly seep out under your touch as the kiss deepens. 

Beomgyu is horribly lost in the kiss, his tongue chasing your own and his lips desperately latching onto you as if he’d stop breathing if he lets you go. You have a feeling he would stand there for hours, days, weeks, kissing you until you both perish if you don’t intervene. 

He also won’t do anything more, the scare you gave him before having apparently done quite a number on him. So despite you very clearly feeling his need against your tummy, you know he won’t make a move to push things any further. 

So you make the move for him. You let your hand make its way between your bodies to take a hold of his hard member, and immediately he is pulling back with a groan, his head thrown back for a second as a shiver racks through his body from the sudden burst of pleasure after being deprived for so long, before he quickly whips his head back down and gasps out. 

“You don't have to.” He says as if he wasn't giving you the neediest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen. As if he literally wasn’t gasping for air at that small touch. 

You scoff. “If I take my hand off your cock right now, you’re gonna cry.” 

He gulps. “So make me cry. Better me than you.” 

A sharp pang pierces through your heart. Despite how weak he is, how desperate, he still would rather hurt himself than hurt you again. You’re overwhelmed. You don’t know how to respond to that, so you just push him to the ground and say, “You’re crazy.” 

“Crazy for you.” He whispers as he watches you take your pants and underwear off. 

“See what you’ve done?” You sling one leg over his shoulder, bringing your pussy inches away from his face and letting him see how wet and puffy you’ve gotten for him. 

He gulps and asks in a shaky voice, “Can I?” 

You cock your head down at him as you play with his hair. “What are you going to do if I say no?” 

Is it cruel to mess with him when he’s this needy? You don’t care. You just want to revel in everything he is giving you. 

“Whatever you want me to do.” Comes his perfect reply and you reward him for it, unceremoniously pushing his face in your pussy. Beomgyu responds immediately–whether he wanted it so much that he was ready for it or he knew that what he would say would get him what he wants, you don’t know and you don’t care to figure out when his wet tongue was prying your pussy lips apart to seek out your dripping entrance, his entire lower face getting covered in your juices in seconds.

“Fuck, baby, how are you so good at this?” You groan, looking down to see him eat you out just as hungrily as he always does. Every time you’re with Beomgyu, it’s always full of passion and love and lust. He treats it like the first and last time he will ever be with you and his fervor is infectious. A sprawling fire licks up your body, sprouting up from where he was devouring your cunt, his kisses and licks so fractic and yet so deliberate. 

Beomgyu doesn’t reply, he just mewls and nuzzles his face into your pussy more. 

“Finger me open for your cock, baby.” 

You swear you felt him almost cum on the spot at the command, but he holds himself back, one of his hands snaking around your body to grab a handful of your ass and spread it open while the other goes under you to press two of his fingers against your entrance. You feel the pads of his fingers swirling around it for a little bit, probably gathering enough of your arousal to easily breach your hole but you were so turned on, you didn’t really need it. 

“Don’t fucking teas–” You don’t get to finish your irritated demand before his fingers plow into you in one go. It takes you by surprise so much so you almost fall, but with his hold on your ass, he is able to keep you in your place, pushing you further against his lewd tongue while his fingers work you open. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You moan, pulling harshly at his hair as he sends you barreling towards your orgasm, his finger pumping in and out of you ruthlessly, repeatedly hitting that spot inside you that has you turning to goo in his hold. “I’m going to cum, Gyu. Don’t fucking stop.” 

As if Beomgyu would even consider it. He fucks you as if he could cum from it, and you think he very well could if you asked him to. But you have other plans for him. 

“Oh shit, right there! Fuck!” You cry out, finally going over the edge and coming over your darling’s face. Beomgyu happily lets you hump his face, getting those last shocks of pleasure before your punishing hold on his hair loosens and your breathing goes from fast and shallow to slow and deep, your eyelids fluttering to a half-closed position while his shines widely up at you. 

He is like a dog begging for his treat, and you’ll be damned if you don’t give it to him. You take your leg off his shoulder, but you don’t put it back down. Instead you press your foot against his chest and push him to the floor. He quickly realizes what you want and compliantly lays down flat for you to lower yourself on him. 

“Do you need it, Gyu?” You ask, shuddering as his clothed cock rubs against your sensitive pussy. 

He nods quickly. “Uh-huh. Need it to survive.” 

You laugh, breathless. He's ridiculous. “Need my pussy to survive?” 

“Y-Yeah.” He whimpers, struggling to hold himself back from just dry humping you. “Would die without it.” 

“Poor puppy.” You take pity on him and finally reach down to pull him out of his pants, the weak gasp he lets out echoing in your own chest. He did so well for you. You’ve hurt him badly and yet he’s still willing to be so vulnerable for you. You can’t believe you almost messed this up and for what? Demented dreams that mean nothing and a guy who is hell-bent on separating you from the one guy who loves you more than anything in the world because of his deranged savior complex? 

You focus on the anger you feel at that to hold the images that are creeping at the edges of your mind at bay as you take in Beomgyu’s cock, feeling it stretch you out even more than it usually does now that you haven’t fucked him in some time. 

And it’s not just you who feels the difference. Beomgyu can clearly feel the way your tight walls drag over every inch of his cock as you dutifully take him up to the hilt. You feel his fingers dig into the meat of your thighs as he tries to stay grounded and not cum the moment he’s surrounded by your fluttering walls. 

“You okay there, baby?” You tease, grinning at the way he’s holding his breath and the tense arch of his back. You feel bad that your distance has affected him this much, but not bad enough that you don’t start moving just to watch him scramble to keep from cumming. 

“Fuck, fuck, slow down…” He pleads and you laugh. “I can’t possibly go any slower than this.” 

You really can’t. You were basically just swiveling your hips over him. You weren’t even riding him yet and yet he looks like you’re fucking the life out of him. 

It doesn't feel so scary like this, with him writhing under you helplessly. Images still bleed at the corner of your vision from that unknown source, images of Beomgyu decked in flowery silk and expensive jewels but still just as weak for you as he is right now, calling out for his princess as he struggles to hold himself back. 

And as your pace starts to pick up and your defenses get weaker, those images creep closer and closer until they’re blending with the image of him under you right now and become indistinguishable from each other, until your Beomgyu is prince Beomgyu and prince Beomgyu is your Beomgyu. It scares you but it also feels right, and you don’t know what that means. Have you finally lost it? 

But it’s hard to care about your expired sanity with the pleasure pumping through your veins and flooding your brain. As always, Beomgyu cock fits you so perfectly it feels like it was made for your pussy, a shock of electricity spreading from that point of contact to take hold of your entire body, gripping your muscles until you're bouncing on Beomgyu's cock, chasing it further and further. 

“Please, please, slow down! I can't–”

It moves your arm so your hand is wrapped around Beomgyu's delicate throat, pressing firmly on it to quiet his pathetic cries. 

“Shut up, Beomgyu. You can take it. You will hold yourself back and not pop in my pussy like a little virgin before I let you.” 

Tears collect on his pretty lashes as he sniffles and tries to listen to your harsh commands. But you can see how difficult it is for him. Beogmyu is extremely sensitive at the best of times so you just know that he's about ready to combust at any moment right now and it just makes you even more turned on. 

You've never been so rough with Beomgyu, or with anyone for that matter. You've never choked someone before and you probably shouldn't either but you can’t get yourself to let go. You're being so cruel to him but something deep inside you is telling you that he deserves it. 

For what? You don't know. Maybe it comes from that same place where the dreams come from and the thought scares you because that is a place of evil and you shouldn't be acting on it but Beomgyu hasn't even batted an eye in alarm. It's as if he thinks he deserves it too. 

“Princess!” His choked cry pulls you out of your thoughts and you can tell that he is right on the verge of falling.“Please say I can cum. Please? I r-really can't hold it any longer. God, please.” 

He was openly crying now, his sobs partly cut off by your hand around his throat and tears heavily streaming down his face you're sure your image is probably swimming in vision right now from the tears and the low oxygen. He looks pathetic but more beautiful than anyone or anything you've seen in your entire life. How could you possibly be expected to resist God's most beautiful creation? 

Still, you play the part. 

“Whatever. If you cum I won't stop anyway.” You tell him, and he must have taken this as permission because next thing you know his mouth is hung open and you feel his warm seed burst inside you. 

“Fuck.” You look down as you continue to ride him at the same pace, seeing his cum seeping out of your pussy and sticking to both your skin, making obscene squelching noises as you jump on his dick. 

But Beomgyu doesn’t complain for a second. 

You don’t know what is wrong with you. Why are you doing that? And why isn’t Beomgyu making any attempt to stop you? He just lays there and lets you do whatever you want to him. 

“Is this what you wanted?” You ask, tone sharper than you intended. You don’t understand why you’re angry at him when all he wants is for you to love him. 

“I–I… I love you.” He slurs incoherently, his words both not making sense and yet answering your question perfectly at the same time. Beomgyu doesn’t care what happens as long as you’re together. 

“Fuck, Beomgyu…” You curse, your own orgasm not taking long to grab hold of your body, not with his seed filling your pussy and the raptured, devoted look on his face. 

“I love you, princess.” He whispers, barely audible with your hand so tight around his throat as you finally succumb to your own end. 

“I love you too.” Your voice surprises you, your own tears having caught up to you without you realizing it until you hear the pitiful garbled sound in your ears. 

You don't know why you’re crying. Is it from pleasure? Stress? The combination of everything you've been through these past few months? 

You don't know but you know that it feels good to let it all out, your tears getting swept up and washed away by the waves of pleasure battering your exhausted body. 

This orgasm takes everything out of you. You enter a state of complete dissociation, the pleasure and strange but profound sorrow taking turns ravaging your body until you're left limp and spent. 

When you finally regain awareness, you find yourself in Beomgyu's embrace once again. Always in Beomgyu’s embrace. And he is rocking you and whispering sweet gentle nothings in your ear. 

“It's okay, my love. I'm here. I got you. I will never let go.” 

_______________________________

A/N: decided to split the chapters after all since i have not finished the last scene yet and otherwise this chapter would've been very large. the last chapter shouldn't take too long to come out though. in any case, send me your thoughts as they keep me going and as always

[jjmorelikeotp]

This. This is the kind of batshit insanity I'm talking about. Y'all have serious mental issues and while this isn't your FAULT, it is still your PROBLEM. YOU have to solve it. YOU have to take responsibility for the feelings you're feeling and maybe self reflect a little and learn to regulate them like a normal human being because the amount of comments I saw under Hannah Bahng's picture WHICH IS ABOUT HER DROPPING HER MATCHA LATTE WITH A PINK STRAW saying something about Minsung is SO CONCERNING it makes me sick.

The level of literal insanity of people.

If larry stylinson was a thing it would be even worse than what it was back then and it was already a catastrophy, and I say that as someone who shipped them, I admit that. I was a young teenager and they were cute, but even at the time I UNLIKE other people had basic human decency to a) leave other people out of this shit and b) not be delusional or bother THEM with it. Or their girlfriends. Or anyone. c) realize that they don't know me and I don't know them, respect their privacy and not take this shit so batshit serious or invade any of their lives. The list goes on.

HOW can people do this. HOW boring and miserable must your life be if you live in a fantasy world in your head SO much that you cannot separate your...idk? Wishes? Fantasies? From what the people you emotionally depend on WHICH YOU ALSO DO NOT KNOW PERSONALLY? Do you not LEARN basic manners or behavior? Hannah is a real human being, just like Minho and Jisung are.

No matter how many posts or Videos you see or fanfics you read or edits you make, you have NO right to make any assumptions about anything in their life, let alone write bullshit like this.

And OF COURSE it's always the accounts who hide behind some idol's picture who they're also obsessed with.

This is not your fantasy world.

You can ship idols, i get it, some have chemistry. Yes you can wonder if there is something actually going on, that's a natural human behavior to analyze or wanting to understand relationships of other people - but REFLECT YOUR OWN FUCKING EMOTIONS AND THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.

It is NOT serious. Even people who are online a lot do NOT think of these people this way just because they make a funny tweet about it that says they "are going insane" or "want what they have" or "ask for one chance". It is a JOKE.

The internet is NOT REAL LIFE .

Idols are TRAINED PROFESSIONALS who perform and have STAGE personas. Interactions are fanservice. Even if they aren't - YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. YOU DON'T GET TO ACT LIKE YOU INTERACT WITH THEM ON A FRIENDSHIP BASIS JUST BECAUSE YOU FOLLOW THEM ONLINE. YOU DON'T GET TO SAY WHAT YOU "KNOW" ABOUT THEM BECAUSE YOU DON'T.

You watch videos and go to their concerts. You are a customer.

Your desire to have a relationship like theirs or someone who treats you like a kdrama boyfriend is a YOU problem. Stop supporting this "delulu is the solulu" shit just because some rare examples marry their celebrity crushes. Even for them it's nothing like they imagined you can be damn fucking sure of that.

Stop faking ai videos of idols kissing you or each other or ANYONE. Stop reposting rumors and taking everything so damn serious while being dramatic. Stop faking those texts. You never got a text from your idol and I AM SO SORRY TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS but you never WILL.

If I can do that and think like that even as an account who has some otps who are real people then mayyybe you should check your own way of thinking. let me make something very clear, because I'm getting the vibe that we're not all on the same page on this : I ship idols as FRIENDS. hot friends with great chemistry who have a lot of soulmate capabilty and would make an amazing couple. I consume content too. BUT I REALIZE AND AKNOWLEDGE THE DISTANCE THAT IS BETWEEN THEM, AND ME.

EVERYTHING I THINK, I THINK. It has NOTHING to do with them. If I make a comment about them being married, that is a JOKE. I CAN ASSURE YOU 80 and hopefully MUCH MORE THAN THAT percent of us are JOKING. could there be something? Yeah maybe. We DONT KNOW. and it is NONE 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 OF OUR BUSINESS.

Fanfiction is a great way to express yourself, but the people who inspire you should be your MUSES. a fictional avatar created by writers to live in a story that is also very much NOT a representation of the actual human being that is being portrayed. Think of that person as an actor playing a role in a movie they wrote the script for, playing a CHARACTER.

NOT REPRESENTING THE REAL PERSON OR REALITY IN GENERAL.

Some of y'all have lost any kind of filter and ability to separate reality from fantasy and fiction. And if your life is like that and you feel like you have to escape reality to deal with it, PLEASE get help. I'm so serious. Many people joke about this online but some who read those jokes don't realize this is such a big issue.

You are projecting part of your problem onto a real person that should not be affected by it.

And there are many reasons for that - capitalism, the media, the companies who keep feeding into these delusions and parasocial relationships, but most of all, things can only be sold when people buy. You are part of the chain and that is not your fault but it is your problem. And that makes it your responsibility to solve it.

It's getting out of hand.

Get inspired. Have a little crush, fine. Be obsessed with some bad for a while.

They can be very important to you I get it. I've been there. I'd love to tell some of them that they helped me through tough times as well.

But that is MY wish. Not THEIR responsibility.

"They are famous and it's their fault if this happens."

It is not a famous person's responsibility to feed into your delusions wtf? This became such a common thought lately...and it's also a marketing strategy. "They themselves talk about their relationship!! They ship themselves!!"

No, THEY actually know each other, spend time together that does NOT happen on a screen, WITHOUT their stage personas activated or the filter or media training they all have. They actually talk about their real relationships because they HAVE one with one another. Yes people even have connections.

Now imagine if you did NOT over interpret every bit or every small cut in a video of them holding hands or touching each other.

"I would NEVER touch a friend like THAT" and then it's a back hug. I'm sorry YOU never had a friendship like that. I have. I WOULD, in fact, touch my friends like that. I would write songs for my friends. I would also make dirty jokes. Dance together even when we're nor dating. Cuddle. Sleep in the same bed. That's just a healthy friendship. (It can be, it does not have to be this way to be healthy.)

Lonely people obsess over celebrities to make up for the lack of social contact they have. There are studies on this. Look it up.

And the entertainment industry knows this and uses it daily.

Don't use them to built a parasocial relationship to escape your actual problems in life.

That kpop idol as well as your comfort character as well as your otp should NOT be your only source of happiness or part of your escaping mechanism. Y'all just don't wanna stop being delusional. Ground yourself and put that phone away. Exercise. They are part of your entertainment in life, THEY ARE NOT PART OF YOUR ACTUAL LIFE. BIG DIFFERENCE.

[thehollowwriter]

I'm so sick of people trying to "reclaim" the R slur because almost every single time it's an able bodied neurotypical person trying to use it as an insult.

Guess what? You can't reclaim shit if you aren't part of the group opressed and hurt by the slur. Because it isn't yours to reclaim. Even if you were, you still can't reclaim shit if your specific intent is to be allowed to use it as an insult or to allow others to use it freely.

Slurs like queer, the N word, etc were all reclaimed and specifically used in a positive light and to protest discrimination and oppression. But even then, a slur is a slur. There is a difference between a queer person calling themselves queer and a homophobe calling a gay couple "queers" to demean and insult them.

The R slur is still used by basically everyone from basically every community you can think of to tear down and insult people. The R slur is specifically used against disabled and neaurodivergent people and is even an actual medical diagnosis that makes it legal to lose your rights and independence.

Disabled people don't want to reclaim it, because it has not only destroyed their lives and stripped them of their rights, but it along with words like "differently abled" "special" "victim" "handicapped or handi-capable" "physically "super powered" etc have been used to infantalise disabled people and make them into inspiration porn, or treat disability as a nightmarish fate worse than death that you must be ashamed of, something that must be made palatable and covered up because it makes able bodied people uncomfortable.

There's a reason certain assholes tag picures or videos of physically disabled people as "tw body horror." There's a reasson the only ones calling for saying "differently abled" because "But "disabled" is such a horrible thing to call those poor people, you'll hurt them" are able bodied people.

Disabled people are often ignored and swept under the rug, yes even in the queer community, and yes even in other marginalised groups, because on all sides they are still forgotten about or seen as lesser. For example a lot of queer people are constantly insisting that July should be their pride month too or whatever, but July is disability pride month. It is not queer pride month part 2 or "the aftermath", it is disability pride month for disabled poeple.

You don't get to sit and tell disabled people "it's not a slur actually" "but I'm reclaiming it" "You're trying to censor people and sanitize the internet"UHM actually it's ALSO a music term-" (Nobody knows that "r*tardation" is a music term and it doesn't fucking matter because you are clearly just fighting to be allowed to call people the R slur. NOBODY is thinking about music sheets when they use the R slur) "Well people say queer all the time" "It's basically the same as saying idiot" "It's just a word." And almost most importantly, you don't get to act like what a disabled person has to say doesn't matter or is just "a persecution complex" if they happen to be cishet or white or both.

The R word is a slur. You are not "reclaiming" it. You just want to be able to freely use it to hurt people.

[fuzziemutt]

On the views of Rio in relation to Miguel within fandom

There's something I'm commonly seeing that has been worrying me which is the depictions of Rio "latina mom-ing" Miguel.

This includes Rio:

- slapping him

- coming at him with "the chancla"

- "dressing him down" verbally or yelling

- humiliating him

- straight up just... Beating him up

And I'm bringing this up because guys... This shit be low-key racist. I know racism towards latines has already been a problem (Yes. I am gesturing to the everything that is how Miguel is treated within the fandom), but I personally wanted to bring up this issue as well as I'm unsure if others have talked about it- and we all know how suck ass searching anything on this site is.

Anyways, I won't lie. I don't know how many latines are making these jokes, but it being so prevalent being her "main" interactions makes me feel even if it started as a latine joke, it sure as hell didn't stay that way.

But the depiction of Latina women as fierce, aggressive and (yes it is) straight up physically abusive (in general words) is a major fucking Problem. Latinas are often depicted in media as these "feisty exotic women" who takes no shit. Perpetuating that with Rio does not feel as #girl power as you guys might think. It feels like a step back in treating latinas not as these power houses but as... Y'know... People who aren't depicted as aggressors 24/7....

But also I really hate this cutesy look at what is a serious issue within latine communities. It's always "ha ha funny" seeing a Latina mom beating someone's ass but guys. That is still physical abuse. That is a serious issue and discussion that is held within the latine community. And seeing it so casually assigned to Rio kind of makes me feel sick.

And this isn't even tacking on that you're having a Latina beating/acting aggressive towards a canonical child abuse survivor (yes. Miguel is a child abuse survivor.) Which adds a whole new layer of how shitty this actually is.

Because I hate how people are boiling Rio down to just being an aggressor towards Miguel to "put him in his place". That's discrediting her character so badly.

Yes, latinas can be strong. Yes, latinas can be angry. Yes, latinas can get aggressive.

These are things people are and do because people are complex.

But I really need the fandom to stop for a second and really think about how they saw Rio, witnessed her give her heart on the screen, - a mom who's trying so hard to break these cycles of yelling and humiliation with kindness and understanding (even being a foil to Jeff's strong headed approach on purpose) -

took her and said "she would perpetuate a real cycle of abuse towards a fellow latino because he's the 'bad one'" and laughed.

I know you guys are depicting her like this as a means to defend Miles, but maybe not like this. Her character doesn't deserve being so bastardized like this for your stolen joke.

(which this whole "need" to defend him in the first place points right back to the racism towards Miguel if we're honest. I have complex thoughts on Miguel's interactions with Miles especially involving the end train scene but boiling a traumatized Latino man down to just being an "aggressive threat" that needs to be "put in place" as I've mentioned above is racist as hell too.)

You guys can reblog this, but don't fucking guilt trip people into reblogging this okay? I'm not giving you brownie points for that shit.

[hyenabeanz]

Can you dumb motherfuckers stop trying even now to SHAME people into voting how you want and instead talk about the good your candidate will do instead?

Fuck.

Democrats, liberals, and "leftists" can't read the room or strategize their way out of a wet paper bag.

Even now, with Biden out and Harris as a prospective new nom, I'm already seeing "yeah our guy sucks but <insert fear tactics here>"

That is not how you get people to the polls for your candidate.

That's why Trump is a threat. He is saying "this is what I'm gonna do." His followers and campaigners are going "this is what he's gonna do." THAT is what the average voter cares about. Is what he says he's gonna do lies or terrifying fascism? Yes. But when people are scared, insecure, full of despair or frustrated, they want hopeful things to cling on to, promises of change and action, what their candidate is gonna do for them, not "they suck but they suck less." And while wildly misplaced and sick, an action plan is what Trump promises, and his followers spplaud. So this shame shit isn't going to move them.

And as for those who are educated enough to see Trump as the horrific mess he is and will never vote for him, but not satisfied with the other option, shame STILL doesn't work. Because despair kills motivation. And "we suck slightly less" is just despair fuel. Why bother if everyone sucks? And no, a litany of horrors isn't motivation. We live in a litany of horrors, that ain't special. Again: Despair = hopelessness and helplessness = why bother?

Some of you may be too young to remember, but for those who aren't: Think of the Obama campaign. He wasn't some amazingly progressive angel with all the best policies (some were horrible.) But he was a hell of a speaker who promised hope. fucking learn from history. That promise, that fire for hope, got so many young people to the polls. It energized. And he won in a comparative landslide.

So Ok, you got rid of the guy who elitist donors and insufferable people on the Internet said they wouldn't vote for. K. Fresh start. Kamala ain't no Obama in terms of gifted speaker, but those of you talking about her NEED to treat this like the new opportunity it is, and start talking up the reason to be hopeful for Kamala Harris.

Here's a starter for you, for one of the big ones:

Harris has already been vocally more critical of Israel than Biden was, and did so much sooner. Has she said Free Palestine, abolish Israel? No. Of course not. No one in this election is going to. It's not gonna happen. So your options here is someone who has said they want to give Israel enough aid to turn Gaza to glass, or someone who at the very least acknowledged back in March that Israel's conduct is unacceptable. She doesn't have the personal connections to Israel that make her have a soft spot for people ordering war crimes.

I've already spent too long this evening writing this considering I mostly use Tumblr for fun stuff vs. my other social media, but that's how irritating some of y'all are being. I'd love to see and challenge others to reblog and tack on more of the reasons to vote FOR the presumptive nom here, vs. voting against the toupee'd terror.

[lastoneout]

Wheelchair excitement is being more than slightly dampened by concern that either my insurance is going to deny me and I won't be allowed to pay for the chair myself because I have Medicade OR that the physical/occupational therapist and/or wheelchair assessment people will decide I don't actually need one despite my primary, who again is a former EDS specialist and is very certain my quality of life is bad enough I need one, and turn me away.

Like my mom has gotten a wheelchair through Medicaid basically her whole life and she told me that the assessment people aren't allowed to turn you down, they are ONLY there to help you decide what chair will best fit you and take the needed measurements and make adjustments once it's made, the only person who can decide if I truly need one is my doctor and the prescription is the final say, but most of the stuff I've been finding online about the process is saying the assessment people are part of the initial decision about my need for one and their say has just as much weight as the doctor writing the prescription, and I am sadly WELL AWARE of how anti-mobility aid a lot of physical therapists can be so the thought of getting that far and being shut down is concerning me greatly.

I'm also worried my insurance will only approve me for one of those manual transport/hospital drive ones that are too heavy and weirdly built for the passenger to propell themselves meaningfully on their own...I know I can fight it and one of those straight up will not work for me but still. Also I've heard Medicaid will refuse to pay for one if you don't need to use it inside the house, which I won't need mine for that plus my house is way too small for me to even use it in here at all, and I guess I could lie but eugh I am not good at that.

I probably shouldn't worry until I actually get in touch with the assessment people, and tbh when I called them earlier this year to ask what the process was they told me all I need to see them is a prescription from my doctor so I'm really praying everything goes smoothly but like shit typically does NOT go smoothly for me so I know my ass is just gonna be freaking out and over thinking it the entire time.

I just really need this chair. My quality of life is gone, it's so hard for me to even find the will to do the things I need to to regain what mobility I can because I know it will never be enough to allow me to actually do the things I want to do and I don't get to do anything fun in the meantime so I'm just depressed about this constantly, and I truly do not know how much longer I can sit here and watch my entire life go by without me. I want to be able to run errands and spent time with my family and go to museums and parks(masked ofc) and go to school and it is abundantly clear that no amount of knee braces, pain meds, and physical therapy will get me there, so it is truly cruel and unfair to say I should just not do all that because the thing that would let me do it at all is somehow "bad" for me.

I deserve the dignity of risk. I deserve to give informed consent. I deserve to be treated like the fucking adult I am who is more than capable of doing physical therapy and other exercises at home to maintain my muscles and mobility. I can be trusted to know when it's appropriate to use my aids and when it isn't. I am so FUCKING sick of being treated like a literal child by doctors who insist if I get in the chair I will simply give up and never walk again, I'm almost 30, I have self control, I'm not lazy. Every single activity I have given up, be it work or hiking or walks has claw marks in it, I am the opposite of lazy.

I just don't think I can take much more of my life being denied to me by abled people who clearly think all disabled people are lazy idiots who can't be trusted to make their own decisions. I genuinely cannot take it. If this doesn't work I don't know what I'll do.

(I think for now to temper the anxiety I'm going to write down all the measures I've tried to fix myself(PT, knee braces, rollator, ect.) and why they haven't been enough to achieve the VERY REASONABLE goals I have for myself. Also all the ways my current medical conditions limit me. That should help me feel more like I can actually convince the right people that we are well past the time that this should have been considered. Fingers crossed anyway.)

[bonny-kookoo]

Omg I want to see a fic for “Intrinsic” Yoongi. He’s THE cat boy

Went a bit overboard OOPS-

He's a naturally born hunter. Earth-animals have no chance against his strength, or stealth, or senses in general. It's pitiful, really, how the rabbit squirms while he holds it's legs in his hand, watching it struggle in his grip.

Almost amusing, even.

"Oh, yoongi!" You suddenly say behind him, and at that, his tail snaps up a bit. "Oh? What are you holding there?" You ask, and at that, Yoongis gaze sharpens at the trembling little animal in his hand, jaw clenching as he's forced to make a split second decision.

"Nothing." He says, throwing his prey in a bush out of your sight, before he turns towards you, walking closer. "Everything okay?" He asks, nonchalantly taking your hand in his as he walks down the street with you.

"Hmhm, the doctor said I'm just dehydrated. That I should make sure to drink more." You tell him, and he nods, his other hand in the pocket of his jeans.

"I'm telling you all the time. You never fucking listen." He scolds, walking back home with you again. He's decided to stay with you even after having recovered enough, working remotely for his company back on his planet for now. At first, he didn't really get along well with you- he remembers he made you cry quietly to yourself often when you thought he wasn't hearing it, unable to really control him or tell him whenever he'd be overstepping a line for you. But by now, he's softened up quite a bit- mainly because you're not actually that bad, for a human being.

A bit too soft, a bit too clumsy, a bit too much of a crybaby at times- but it's fine. It's.. almost cute. In a way.

"I'm hungry." He complains, as you walk past the small convenience store, tugging your hand a bit roughly towards it.

"Yoongi, we have leftovers at home." You whine, but he just frowns. "Yoongi it's gonna go to waste.." You say, but he still walks closer to the store instead. You've grown quiet now, and as he looks at you he can't help but visibly deflate, tail lowering as he watches you pout to yourself.

"No, don't look like that-" He complains. "I don't want to eat the same shit that I had yesterday." He tells you, and you shrug at that, not saying anything, wordlessly walking towards the convenience store- though he holds you back now instead. "Stop looking like that." He demands, but you don't look at him. "Stop that." He tries again, tail now swiping left to right. "… you're being a brat right now." he scolds, but you stay strong.

And he stays determined to get what he wants-

until you pull your hand out of his, leaving him by himself. For some reason, that's what makes him break.

He's never really been attached to anyone. It's typical for his kind to be independent after all- parents don't even raise their own children on his planet, relationships aren't a thing, friendships rarely really made. You make connections, you keep some people around that you like- but a deeply connected social system like humans have doesn't really exist on his planet. Sure, exceptions define the norm- but he's been a pretty typical Vrota for all his life. And for a long time, he was completely fine with it. He never knew anything else.

And then he met you.

So dependent on others, but not at all ashamed to show it. You openly ask for help when needed, you're clingy, you cry openly, and you admit when you're wrong, apologizing easily like it's no big deal. And you treat him so kindly, so gently, no matter how shit he's been to you instead.

You wash his clothes for him, you put a blanket over his sleeping body even if he's laying in your way around the house, you helped blowdry his hair for him when he was still grumpy and sick. And you also never complained or scolded him for lashing out- be it with words of claws, or his teeth as he'd bitten you before.

It made something within him change. Suddenly, he doesn't want to be like he was before. He doesn't want you to leave. He doesn't want you to pull his hand away like that.

So he walks fast as he grabs your hand again, tugs you closer to carry you instead, wordlessly walking past the convenience store with you in his arms. You're a bit confused at that- instinctively holding your arms around his neck. "Yoongi?" You wonder, and he growls under his breath as he speaks, words low.

"I want that sauce with the rice though." He complains. "The one you made last time we had leftovers. And I want chicken." He demands, making you suddenly giggle as you lean into his neck, happily nodding.

"Of course Yoongs." You say, making him blush a bit at the nickname. "Anything you want." You say.

"Anything?" He asks, and you nod, curiously listening to what he might want too, when he sets you down to walk up the stairs to your apartment you both share, door opening-

His body immediately caging you in against the door as soon as you're both inside, his smirk showing off his sharp teeth as he lifts your chin.

"In that case-" He purrs, thumb running over your bottom lip, "-I want you as dessert."

[concerningwolves]

my sister's been watching S.W.A.T and this morning I was feeling so mentally fried I watched the first episode myself, because this stuff IS easy to watch. except I should know by now that I can't watch police procedurals because the copaganda starts driving me up the fucking walls. and S.W.A.T is of the particularly insidious type that works so so hard to gloss over the problems inherent in the police force by focusing on how this particular fictional police force is Actually Good (because Diversity).

I keep circling back to this bit of an episode my sister was watching where one of the team members is enthusiastically explaining to a civilian how S.W.A.T can use cameras across the city to find any vehicle's past & current locations within seconds, and it's framed as "isn't this piece of tech SO COOL". which it's not. it's horrifying – especially in the context of a bunch of people who are allowed to go out and commit lethal force against other people, legally, with government/state backing.

And then tonight mum and I were watching Silent Witness, and I was still ruminating over S.W.A.T, so when the armed police went into this suspect's house and started yelling at & manhandling him, even though he wasn't resisting at all, a little part of me just. snapped.

Mum often expresses sadness that I don't usually watch TV in the evenings with her anymore, but this is why. she enjoys police procedurals. i used to but now im sick of them. i'm sick of the constant portrayals of these people who can ruin and end lives as heroes who help put away the Scary Nasty Freaks. i can analyse and dissect them and poke at the nuts and bolts to see precisely how the copaganda functions, but Im. So tired of doing that. because we KNOW that policing as a system is inherently broken.

we're meant to watch a guy be screamed at, forced to turn with his face to the wall, practically be shoved and talked to like he's the scum of the earth – we're meant to watch all that, and still root for the pigs. because why? because this guy is weird? because there's cannibalism fantasies on his internet search history? surely it's obvious to anyone with half a brain what the writers are doing: they're setting up this character – who I am 99% sure is a red herring – to be so unlikeable and weird and wrong, that the audience will go "oh well even though he was innocent of [x] crime, they were right to treat him like that". it plays into this punitive mindset that only serves to justify the existence of the police.

Meanwhile our news is full of stuff about institutional abuse, systemic racism, members of the police who have committed heinous acts and gotten away with it. and like most UK news sources aren't exactly unbiased so if these stories get through, it's gotta be bad. it's gotta be big. and it's not just here, either – all over the world, as we see fascism and far right movements gaining traction, reports keep coming up about police who have done terrible things with their power. I think it's impossible for anyone with an internet connection or access to a TV or radio, or who just generally exists as part of society, to not be aware that this shit is happening. that it's costing people's lives and wrecking communities.

But there are still cop shows that are obsessed with making the police look good.

[queenofthedork]

*sigh* So this ramble is about to be all over the place. Just saying

I'm tired of a lot of stuff - of pretending that I'm fine when I'm not, of dealing with the same bullshit day in and out despite my best to try and combat the problem, of having a mindset where any inconvenience, small or big, will send me spiraling and struggling to maintain control, of suppressing how I truly feel for the sake of avoiding confrontation or appealing to others, of people taking advantage of my genuine desire to help and treating me like dog shit, of people throwing around the word overdramatic like my feelings aren't valid and don't matter. I'm sick of all of it. I will admit that I am partially to blame. I've picked up an unfortunate habit growing up of suppressing my emotions and when it starts getting too much for me to handle, instead of confronting it, I just shove them down deeper until I get to the point where I can't bury them anymore and everything just comes flooding out at once and it feels like my whole world is ending. The same can be said when something unacceptable happens either to me or around me - I'll just sweep it under the rug and toss into the vault like it's not a problem I need to deal with. Because I struggle with relying on others/have been told time and time again that I'm being "overdramatic" or "it's not that serious" I don't allow myself enough time to grieve or recover and just keep pushing onwards towards my own self destruction. I've even started convincing myself that I'm not allowed any tears because people start whispering that something's wrong with me for essentially what is feeling a normal fucking emotion. Just because you might not be as emotional as someone else doesn't invalidate their feelings. I know that. I also know that I shouldn't give a shit what people say about me, but hey you hear the same thing enough and you start convincing yourself that it's true. "You're weird", "Why do you cry so much", "Suck it up", "It's not that serious", "What's wrong with her", "Something must be wrong with her", "That's not normal", "Why isn't she like everyone else"? They planted the seed of doubt and now my punishment is constantly feeding it until it feels like it's trying to claw it's way out and rip me apart from the inside out. I hate it and I want it to stop. Hell, I'm so used to trying to solve everything on my own I can't even tell if this is something only I can fix or not. But...I don't even know where I'm going with this. It's early. I should just get off

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks January 28th

angel anon, always about me anon (new), spoon anon, pg anon (tw-cancer), up to date anon (new), Twilight anon (new), galaxy anon

Angel Anon

Hi cas, angel anon here

Little smth else I also wanted to tell you

Two things actually:

I asked my mother if she's ever gotten me iq tested when I was like 9 (because ppl started asking me around thta time) and she said oh yeah e got all three of you guys tested (me and my two triple brothers) and said that we were all above average ans that just as an answer was so vague and ugh that I didn't believe it, at all. Either, she hasn't has any of use tested because I don't remember anything like it, or she had us all tested but we had varying results (because I know and my brothers know that I am objectively better than them at a lot of academic and other stuff) and my mother wanted to hide it from us because she doesn't want us to compare ourselves to each other

She keeps lying to my brothers and I hate it. So I'm applying to a school, it's a pretty special school like it's a different concept and it's harder and more specialized and it's amazing but you gotta be pretty damn good at working by yourself and just like school to be good there, and she told my brothers that they both could've applied there too and she keeps telling them they could do the stuff I do and go where I go when WE ALL KNOW THEY COULDNT. And THEY KNOW. and shes just trying to make them feel better like she has been all out lives but it's getting fucking annoying. Like they've accepted that I'm better at school than them, they've accepted that I'm highly intelligent, they've accepted that a lot of shit is just fucking easy for me and hard for them,, WHY CANT SHE.

and like I get it it's a hard position to be in as a parent but I'm sick of her doing the exact thing she always tries to stop us from doing, which is compare us to each other. By telling them they could do what I do she's telling them that they should be more like me and while I do agree THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. It's jsut how ppl work. But she's got it in her head that if my brothers notice that theres differences between us they'll like themselves less

Whcih btw, not true. My younger brother has himself figured out and he's cool and we get along very well, my older brother... well he's a lot slower than btoh me and my brother but he's a very nice guy and he's jszt gotta figure out what he wants in life, I'm just sick of my mother pretending we have the same abilities. We don't, that's what being human is.

Anyways theres a lot more where this came from because this is like the one primary issue I have w my mother always have had, so you'll probably hear some more about it

Hi <3

Yeah honestly I think a lot of parents struggle with this- like how to treat different siblings and celebrate all of their strengths and weaknesses. And also like...knowing that just because one is successful by THEIR standards, doesn't mean the others can;t be successful in other ways. My parents are awful at this too. I'm glad you at least seem to support your brothers <3

_____________________

Always About Me Anon

"trust me i know it's always about me"

no because it's actually never about me. nothing changes because of me and in a way that's worse because i can't even hold myself responsible when shit goes down. my best friend ignored me and completely shut me out for a week because of something that had nothing to do with me. the first girl i ever liked didn't even really react when she found out from someone else that i liked her because she was used to people liking her. the second girl acted like she liked me like something could happen then switched up so fast but it couldn't have been because of me because the way i behaved didn't change. one of my other bsfs spends very little time with me, not because we aren't close but because there are other, better people in her life and they're more interesting than me and she's a free spirit who you can't tie down.

Hi <3 I'm so sorry, it's an absolutely awful feeling to feel like you're not the first chose or the first person thought about. You deserve to feel loved and prioritized.

______________

Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

i can't really go to a doctor without my parents and i obviously don't want them to know about this. i need specific circumstances to study like i need music and i hate sitting at my desk because it feels too clinical and weird and offputting and i study better at night but my parents keep asking me to do the exact opposite because it used to work for them except it doesn't for me so i can't get by using their methods and if they can't understand this then how can i tell them about the fact that i might be neurodivergent.

Hi!

Have you tried asking them to maybe like...watch how it works for you? Like invite them to hang out with you while you study sometime and show them that you really are focused at night? Or maybe if you can find research that shows studying at night can be better for some people...I'm just thinking of ways to get them to believe you, since just trying to talk to them isn't working.

____________________

PG Anon

Hi Cas, it's PG anon

You haven't heard from me in a little while I don't think... But life got better. And now is, well, kinda shit?

I'm not really sure what tw to put here but there probs are some..

Anyway. A small update on P and G. I haven't heard from G at all recently, I am worried, but only slightly, there isnt really anything I can do to be honest. P? Uh. I'm not sure? Like we are still friends, and P hasn't really noticed the shift in friendship, but I'm more focused on some of my other friends and try to spend more time with them.

So I was kinda happy for a bit. I guess. There was some other stuff, but it's no-ones fault it's just locations and miscommunication etc. Which is sucky but couldn't be helped.

And now for where life's a bit shit

My friend has cancer. I've known this person for literally years, and we've always been there you know?

They got diagnosed with cancer like week before Christmas, had surgery around new years to get out the tumor. It's worse then originally thought and I just.... I'm stressed, and worried and probably should talk to an adult(I have) , but at the same time, I'm fine?

Like I feel nothing or normal. Not upset not angry just normal like 98% of the time. Like I don't feel crappy, and it honestly doesn't affect me

And then there's this 2% where I feel like crying a breaking down, but Iiterally don't know why because I look at this and I'm like this ain't causing this. I wonder if it's overwhelm, probs is. I haven't cried in over a year, which isn't good ig but I want to as a release.

I don't.... Really know what I want from you. Sorry. If like any advice you have or anything you want to say I'm all ears

Ugh

Life. Love it, but it does suck sometimes

Thank you for listening to my little rant

-PG anon

Hi <3

First of all, I am so sorry about your friend's diagnosis. Honestly, I think your reaction is understandable. This is a super scary, hard-to-process thing, and I would be shocked if you handled it with complete grace.

Honestly, I think you need a way to process this. Whether it be talking to an adult, talking to a friend, venting in my inbox, writing or drawing about it, SOMETHING. This is a big thing and you need to not keep it all inside, you know?

I'm sending you love <3

______________________

Up to Date anon

hi cas. since trump has been elected ive been trying really hard to consistently keep up to date and educate myself on things in unclear but it's really discouraging me. ive always been bad at self study, i cant sit and focus on things long enough to even gather the information let alone retain it. because of this i always feel extremely uneducated and misinformed because of all the bullshit that gets posted online tnat nobody fact checks. i keep running into things that i feel like everyone knows about but im just hearing it for the first time completely clueless. how am i supposed to educate on things i don't even know exist? i feel so out of touch but im really struggling with figuring out how learn on my own and relearn everything that was taught to me incorrectly. im so afraid of falling for traps or becoming complacent because im simply just not educated enough to understand everything that's happening around us

Hi! <3

I think this is a super valid way of reacting to everything, and a LOT of people are feeling this way. I struggled a lot with this during lockdown, and it took a lot of therapy to work through it. The solution that works for me is to limit myself to 2-3 news sources that I know are reliable and not full of fear tactics. I check those once a day, and then I move on. If people come to me with other things, and it hasn't come to my news source, I have to question if maybe their sources are valid.

I'm very much NOT educated on picking news sources, but UnderTheDeskNews on TikTok has been super helpful for me.

Remember to be kind to yourself <3

_______________________________

Twilight Anon

Confession time!

I just need to tell someone.

I watched Twilight for the first time and by god, I will never laugh at another movie more. Me and my sister were trying so hard to be normal but it was hard. When Edward stepped into the sun for the first time, we called him a human disco ball, a shiny Pokémon and a bunch of wild shit. We even started singing a small portion, the portion shown in the show, of Disco Girl from Gravity Falls. It goes somewhere along the lines of

Disco girl

Coming through

That girl is you

And 2 girls singing that off-key while pointing at a vampire is kinda funny at 2am.

All in all, won't watch it again unless I can make fun of it

Hahahahaha please watch the rest of them, it just gets worse

______________________

Galaxy Anon

Hi, Cas! Galaxy anon here.

I really appreciate your advice and I'll keep you updated when I finally talk to someone (I hate confrontation, so that could be a while).

I was also just really curious how you manage to keep up with what all of your anons ask you and how you remember their names? Like, do you have a notebook dedicated to writing down what everyone's spoken to you about? Because I know that I definitely would've forgotten haha.

Anyway, have a nice day! I'll keep you posted!

Yes please keep me posted!!

And I have a spreadsheet lol, or I would NEVER be able to keep everyone straight

[zeroducks-2]

I've just finished Gotham Knights and I get that people aren't happy with the fucked ass haircuts but like, I do believe this is the most progressive and well written Jason Todd we've ever gotten in recent times. Even in recent comics. Like damn, bro goes to therapy, picked up his interests and hobbies again (e.g. the cooking and the reading and the shit talking) from his "Robin makes me Magic" days. Like yeah, he's still edgy, but he was murdered by a fucking Clown, he's allowed to be edgy. We got a Jason Todd that isn't diluted to "the angry black sheep character" archetype. He's healing, working on himself, his relationship with his family, and he's fighting his way (brutal and all strength and tact) to do what he stands for and what he believes is right. And his heart is just so big and full of compassion, but it doesnt blind him and make him wishful or naive. He's so well balanced in Gotham Knights. I hope this version of his character is written in future comics. I'm sick of DC writers making him this angry anti-hero who's only reasoning and purpose in life is to get back at Batman for failing him and so many others. Jason is allowed to be more than his trauma. Thank you Gotham Knights for seeing that.

I'm glad you enjoyed the game anon. I personally am not a fan, not because of Jason but because of the game itself. The dialogues felt stale, more reminiscent of tumblr "incorrect Batfam quotes" than the source material, and the NPCs felt dull compared to how full of life they were in the Arkham series (so much so I would hide in random spots just to hear them talking about the current game events, especially in AK). The most unforgivable bit to me was Tim not having ever fought the rogues because he's "young" - I've never seen anything more insulting and infantilizing for a character which already heavily suffers for being treated as the useless one, never allowed to participate in the game changing dynamics or to have meaningful arcs, and is relegated to being the cute little bisexual twink.

That being said it's a matter of taste, and Gotham Knights is surely a good game for those who prefer a wholesome loving family approach to these characters. Jason working on himself and going to therapy and having a good relationship with his "family" is surely what lots of people (especially in here) want to see. Me, I don't think any amount of therapy would help since therapy is based on shared human experiences and repetition of patterns, and Jason died and dug himself out of his own grave. That's not a trauma any therapist would have the means to help with. They indeed "diluted" the event in the game, changed the fact that Jason dug himself out of his own grave and was functionally braindead and homeless for two years, and made it so UTRH never happened in order for therapy to make any sense, because there is no reconciliation possible with a parent that slit your neck to save the person who broke all your bones with a crowbar and then murdered you.

It's kinda like when Wally went to therapy (canonically) after Barry's death. The therapist was a good one and he tried! But ultimately he didn't manage to make a real difference because Wally is the Flash, a super-powered creature with time bending powers who does things on the scale of absurdity, and who also happens to have had an extremely traumatic childhood and to have just lost the only person who ever loved him unconditionally. His problems have roots in reality but are out of the scope of any therapy method currently known to man.

And Jason is more than his trauma, but pretending his trauma doesn't inform his actions and can be solved with him "working on himself" is not an approach I hope they take in comics. I'd rather they went back to Jason doing things his way and protecting the people of Gotham in the only manner he finds helpful, because he experienced on his own skin (twice!) that Batman's methods don't work. I'd rather they allowed him to stop clashing with Bruce as main theme of his stories, and have his own plotlines in which he's in between a vigilante and a mafia lord (which they were doing with Dick by the way, before chickening out and have Slade bomb Bludhaven) with Bruce only as a cameo sometimes.

We have a high number of morally irrepressible characters who always do the right thing more or less. I'd like Jason to be something different, something darker, because there is a dramatic lack of grey characters and anti-heroes which were sanded down to either 100% bad guys or 100% good guys. I hate that, why can't we have nuanced choices and people struggling with the darkness they carry, why does everyone need to be a perfect "unproblematic" paragon of goodness who would never do anything wrong. We have A LOT of characters like that and I love them, I really do! But if everyone and their families are like that then it's really frickin boring!

Plus, I'd like the characters to actually struggle with their past traumas in a meaningful way, otherwise why even giving them those traumas to begin with. Give me Tim still grappling with how he couldn't save his father, give me Dick haunted by all the times he slipped and let go of the no killing rule in a way or another, give me Jason haunted by the tragedy of being abandoned by every person who was supposed to protect him and working from there to being the protector of everyone else.

That's what I hope DC would pick up and write about. I was never much for fluff and wholesome things unless it's in small amounts, I always preferred strife and complexity. But hey, I'm glad you enjoyed the game, at least one of us did!

[twilalunesta]

Emotional Grief & Ego Death Rant

People think you can only go through grief when someone dies.

That's a lie.

Grief is a cycle of emotions after you felt you lost something dear to you not just death related.

I have had to accept that we just aren't compatible, and that's ok.

I need to stop trying to force things to happen and fix things a lot.

I'm not meant to do that especially lately. No wonder I'm so sick.

I need to be taken cared of these days.

Not look after someone else who isn't putting as much effort as I am or isn't helping me out more.

Someone told me relationships once were more like a chemical equation that people should consent to before they get into one.

Just being like I need 50% 50% or 100% 100% isn't realistic for some .

The reality is that you and your partner need to discuss what you are willing to do in the relationship and what you can handle, try it out if you think it's worth it, and then stick with it over time and discuss if things need to be changed and if you can handle, deal, or do those changes.

I know that I need a man that is a care taker in his personality and is willing to do more for me. Not less. More.

But most men that talk to me act like they are God's gift to women and treat me like shit and act like I'm supposed to earn their less than half ass love where they can't even take me out for coffee (I haven't been out for dinner in forever) or want to be seen with me in public?

Why am I getting this shitty ass energy thrown at me?

What did I do to deserve it?

It's so messed up how I am a feminist and not only support others including men but men here in Minnesota have treated me so horribly.

I have been there for veterans, for sexuality assaulted and abused men, for men with drug addictions, for men going to through separation and divorce, and so many things I have been your free fucking therapist and have tried to help you out including sexually which I shouldn't of, but yet I got the short end of the stick I have been single for 6 years and then you wonder why women decide not to be as nice anymore and charge you for sex and other things and demand nicer dates.

Because there's many women who are actually good who try to hear men out and be empathic and support men but it's you who don't fucking value us and treat us like tools.

You think if a women does certain things she's not valuable or respectable but yet you still have unconditional love for your bros.

I hope you find someone more compatible and the same for me I even though I'm really hurt still by this emotional connection due to my sensory issues and neurodivergency.

For you it happened awhile ago and you just easily dismissed it when we talked.

You came across like a heartless asshole.

Everyone experiences emotions differently at different levels and intensities.

Just because someone doesn't experience emotions like you do or had something horrific happen doesn't mean how they are feeling or felt isn't valid especially for people with disabilities.

I will get over this and be ok in the end.

After all, I have been through so much messed up stuff in my life.

It's just I'm tired of having to be strong and on my own a lot of the time.

When will someone finally be there for me?

The last time I tried talking to you again you were saying respect is earned not given.

I knew right then we weren't compatible anymore.

I don't believe in that.

I believe everyone deserves respect and human decency that you get to know, and then once they show you their true colors and disrespect you, then you can stick up for yourself or walk away.

I am not going to waste my precious time and energy trying to try to earn someone's love who can't even put their pride aside to say they fucked up in things.

I deserve the love I give so freely to others for simply just being such a kind natured, generous, and compassionate person in my personality eventually, but no instead I get treated like shit by some shitty ass ungrateful men like you particularly from your culture who think your gods gift to women and drain my energy.

It's time I have better boundaries, and I just stop talking as much to people who show me signs of disrespect right away and learn to walk away when it happens down the line. Sometimes it can be hard to tell or dismiss and ignore them because I have been through so much fucked up trauma in my life, and I got used to it and forgot oh yea that's bad that's a red flag or it simply I just didn't give a fuck.

Thank God I'm in therapy to help me out.

I just wish I had a support system to actually help me out with picking up the social cues and noticing the disrespect.

Also because I have disabilities and deal with mental health issues, it is really hard for me to make friends and keep and maintain connections.

I feel like I have no close connections, and it's hard for me to be around people, because I don't feel safe and get triggered easily probably cause I have bipolar disorder, because of things I have been through.

I would like to make friends and date again but I feel like I have virtually no trust in anyone and I feel so defensive from my ptsd that I self sabotage.

I know my data has been leaked online so I don't know who to actually trust anymore and a lot of people who talk to me just want to treat me like shit and do practically nothing just to get sex out of me or even see if they can try to get money.

It's so sad.

I have been single for like 6 years now and I have to hire a homemaker now and I already have someone who drives me to places sometimes.

It makes me not want to live at times even though I need the help, because it makes me feel ashamed and like a huge failure in life as an American women and from the kind of family I came from, and it makes me feel angry for the lack of support people give to me where I live because I feel like I wouldn't need a homemaker if I was just married and/or had a support system but instead people treat me like shit and are so unsupportive here.

I really wanted to get tested for adhd and get put on a medication, but now I can't because of RFK. Jr.

I would love to be able to go back to college, and have a job with steady income that I can do but it's been so hard because of my adhd.

I fucking hate our country right now.

I currently don't have a steady income job, because the only places that want to hire me are like housekeeping/cleaning/custodial jobs, customer service at retail stores typically, and factory jobs, and I can't do any of this shit anymore a lot of the time, because of my disabilities now and I tried in the past and I kept getting let go at places because I kept getting sick, and now that I know I have an auto immune disease as of now recent, it makes sense why.

I need a job where I'm at home working on a computer because I can't drive because of physical disabilitie, and I have adhd and sensory issues unless it's in a relaxed slow paced environment.

People make it seem like those jobs are impossible to find in the US where I live and don't want to help me but it's utter fucking bullshit.

They just want me to do slave labor in the community, but I feel like if I do one customer service job and I get bullied by my coworkers or people in public, I'm going to harm someone or damage property so I rather just not work it, because I'm tired of the way how people treat me here.

I'm trying my best to do some volunteer work and learn new skills, but it's been hard because of my adhd.

I read today that a work life balance doesn't work for people with adhd, because you go through burn out which I knew about, but then he said adhd is more like juggling balls that are different levels of priorities or hold a different value and you need to do something called intentional shifting where you try to juggle whichever priority is most important or value to you at the time that's in the dire need and take care to other things later or juggle them around to try to do what makes most sense for you at the time.

The problem is when you have trouble figuring out your priorities which I'm struggling with mental right now which is why I have to write down lists or you hyper focus on something for too long or get distracted and you forgot about taking care of your other tasks throughout the day.

Lately I have been more forgetful and have been forgetting things, words, and forgetting to put stuff away and close things. It also doesn't help that I'm visually impaired from my migraines.

It's also been getting harder to go to things because of my migraines and sensory issues and that never used to be a problem up until a couple months ago.

It sucks when you trust a doctor and they put you on medication that permanently fucks you up and it would've been nice if you would've actually gotten results for adhd when you got tested years ago but didn't because they are/were shitty for finding resulting for women who are masking their adhd and autism back the so maybe they would quit playing around and put you on fucked up medications like some antipsychotics and actually put you on an adhd stimulant medication finally.

I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I'm trying to have not shame about it but just accept it and enjoy the ride of life, but it's hard when you see people aren't valuing you especially men and treating you badly.

It makes you feel like something is wrong with you, because you just want to be yourself and you know that the real you is a sweet, kind, loving, compassionate person, but also has had to accept that you are sexual but that when you just enjoy yourself being sexual, most people don't like you and respect you and don't want to value you unfortunately even though you are just living and enjoying your life.

It makes you feel like you have to dim your light and change things about yourself because of how badly people bully you and harass you.

When you see that you have lived in Minnesota your whole live and have been chronically ill for almost 10 years, and single for 6 years, and you have like no close family or friends it makes you feel like the problem is you.

And yes I understand that I do have schizophrenia not the kind where I hear and see shit but severe paranoia and I don't get out as much as ask for help, I can emotionally project onto people, I self sabotage, have ptsd, I have anger issues from being treated so badly, and struggle with minor addictions not substance related, but it doesn't help when society straight up rejects you usually, ignores you, doesn't give you a fair chance, is constantly passive aggressively rude to you, takes advantage of you, and makes fun of you when you are just trying to be ok with being yourself because they make you feel ashamed of it instead of being helpful, direct, and inclusive.

I've realized now that I'm on better medication that I need to work on being ok with who I am (Fuck people who say I don't know myself cause it's lies and a bullshit, cause I actually do, but I know I just change my mind a lot and discover new things due to my personality and mental health), and just enjoy myself in the moment and not beat myself up so much over the past or if I make a current mistake, because I've realized that so long probably since I was born society has tried to tell me that I'm the fucked up person and I need to change and please others around me because of my disabilities, but now I've realized that I'm not a perfect person and that everyone has good and bad qualities, and that actually I'm overall a pretty decent person simply in just existing, and because I try my best to be good despite how fucked up the world has been to me, and I still care about helping others, and I know when I screw up, I can apologize and although healing isn't linear I try to work on myself, my mistakes, and bad qualities and I'm trying to accept/acknowledge things instead of having shame or suppressing it.

Lately, I've been trying to enjoy and accept my sexuality more again.

I have been more flirtatious online, and I even flirted with a guy recently in public which I never do cause I'm so shy but we exchanged numbers.

I have been video chatting and even video recording myself which I haven't done that much and did more video chatting cause I guess I felt self conscious, and taking nude pics of my whole body including my face.

It has actually helped me with loving and embracing my body more.

I have been gaining and losing weight on and off over the years and my disabilities make it hard for me to dress up, wear makeup, and even keep up with grooming, but taking just regular pictures of myself lately whether I look normal or I'm nude has been helping me accept and embrace myself.

It also seems like my online guy friends and admirers online have been really supportive too which makes me feel better knowing there's men that appreciate natural bodies on women.

This doesn't mean I'm just going to hook up or do anything with anyone, though, and I still would like to be in a relationship but I have standards for how I'm treated and respected and what I want in a relationship, but sadly a lot of people think because I do things a certain way that I must not value and love myself right according to neurotypical people which is narrow-minded no offense because a lot of them just reject unconventional thinking and ways, and then they don't want to respect me like I notice because I'm not skinny or whatever trend is popular to some, not just about my sexuality, and I enjoy food even though I have an autoimmune disease called iga deficiency where I have trouble getting nutrients and getting rid of waste out of my body that I must not love myself because of my weight and because of how and what kind of food I eat even though I'm malnutritioned because of my autoimmune disease genetically a lot of the time and put on weight super easily.